Confidence

When i recall back my life way back when i am still a student. It reminds me of my weaknesses especially "confidence" level. Maybe it was because my self-esteem is very low and i feel i am not good enough. I appointed as a Prefect at the end of Form 2 at my school and i was so surprise. At first i was so excited but then, i am terrified. I am aware that i have responsibility to take now. At some times i need to stand in front of the students to become an emcee or other things that will test my public speaking skills. For sure i need to have self-confidence. But, i don't have that, maybe a little bit but the negative side was so powerful that time. My mind was set that i "CAN"T" do it. That is my biggest enemy, my own mind set.

I gain more courage when i was working. Even when i was doing teaching for about 9 months plus, i still have the same problem when i teach my students. Sometimes, i lost when i stand in front of my student, can't think properly. At the end i ask my students to do exercise.

The most funny parts was when i delivered my presentation about my research in 2007 during the international conference. I was so nervous before my presentation, until i went to the toilet a few times. But still can't overcome it so i keep myself busy doing things before my presentation. The funniest thing happen during i am on stage delivered my speech. My presentation was in English. I wanted to explain about the trap that i use to trap small mammals. It was so easy but because i am so nervous i can't think properly. My Boss was sitting at the front row and he was in front of me. So, i am doing the action using my hand but still i can't think what is that words until my Boss silently said one word and i tried to read movements of his mouth. Owh... i know that word and confidently i follow him and speak out loud " LIPAT". All the audience laugh hearing what i said and my Boss also smile at me. It was so ashamed but yet people told me it was an entertaining presentation. Hahahaha... So funny. Memorable moments even it was shameful.

Until today, i still have a bit lack of confidence. However, since experience taught me well, then i am improving. This is how people can change to become better if there is a willingness from inside of us. It is just we want to change or stagnant. Think what is best for ourself and others around us. Good Luck!