Take delight in the Lord......

 Psalm 37:4

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

During the Palm Sunday weekend, I went to the Healing Rally, which was organised by one of our local churches and the service was conducted by Fr Bob, a Vincentian priest. Before I went to the healing rally, I attended the 24-hour adoration at another church and spent almost three hours there. Since they also offered the sacrament of reconciliation, I took the opportunity to go to confession. 

During adoration, I was swamped with guilt over the sin of pride. I asked the Holy Spirit to guide me in my confession and to help me dig deeper into that sin. What have I done, and what is the root cause of this sin? I am grateful to God for listening to my heart's desire and for His grace flowing into me. After that, I went home, and the next day I went to the healing rally.   

God's work is not yet complete in me. During the healing rally, Fr Bob mentioned healing from the sin of pride. Yes, that's me! During the adoration, the Holy Spirit touched my heart, and I went to confession. The next day, God wanted to heal me from the root cause of that sin. God is great! 

Meanwhile, during the healing, Fr Bob was also using the word of God a lot. The Word of God is what He promises to us. This Psalm 37:4 is one of those verses that He asked us to claim from God. Therefore, I am sharing it here, so you too can claim these promises from Him. May God continue to give you what you desire and align it with God's divine will. Alleluia, Christ is Risen! 

Moody Monday

I feel exhausted and tired when I wake up today. Maybe because I worked too much yesterday. I have been at war with the house sparrow that is trying to build a nest in the air conditioning unit's hole on my balcony. It gathers fresh plants, including some used ropes, and sticks them into those small holes. When both of them are perched on the AC condenser, they also leave faeces that make my balcony so dirty. I can't let them nest there, so I have been trying to block the hole, and yesterday I tried different materials. Climbing up there on a ladder in a very small space is not as easy as I thought. Bending my body and climbing up and down a few times, taking the materials up, and making sure the hole is properly covered is difficult in that small space. I hope they will not return today, and please do not come back, little bird! This is what this bird looks like. 

Source: eBird

Share with me how you got rid of this bird from nesting at your house? What did you do to shoo them away? 

After that, I work on mt dying plants as well. Most of my flowers are dying. I think they didn't have enough nutrients because I never change the soil and use less fertiliser. Carrying a heavy vase with soil inside is also making my lower back more painful. I forgot for a while that I have a slipped disc. *Sigh*! There have been no symptoms for a few months now, and I thought it was gone. But last night I slept in pain. 

This is why this morning is not going very well for me. I feel sick. I hope this pain goes away, so my mood has changed for the better. 

My PTSD Journey - Part 2

My therapist is a woman, and she is very helpful and understanding. I still remember that in our first meeting, she told me this. 

This is not just about me; this is about you, and you will have to do the hard work. Remember, you're not alone in this journey. I am here to listen and guide you, and many others have faced similar struggles and come through stronger.

I agreed, and we started to list out what my main goal is for this therapy that I am undergoing with her. 'We will make sure you graduate,' she said. I trust her, and we start my journey to untangle all the knots and dig into the roots of my issue, which has helped me improve my relationships and manage stress better.

Photo Credit: BrainBodyWellnessAZ.com

Yes, it is a very bumpy road that I went through for those few months. At some point, I felt like giving up because unwrapping the wounds was painful and revisiting the past was hard. The memories and experiences I tried to sweep under the carpet now had to be brought to light. But I want you to know that if you're going through something similar, this process is worth it, and you're not alone in facing these challenges. Healing takes time, and that patience is part of the journey. 

The stigma at my workplace about people seeing a psychiatrist as a 'crazy' person actually scares me. But my therapist affirms that seeking professional help is a courageous act. Listening to her words of encouragement and affirmations gave me the strength to show up for all my appointments with her. 

This is my take-home message for those out there who struggle with mental health:

1. You are not alone. 
2. Take the first step to seek help, and it is okay to not be okay. 
3. The pain we dealt with in the process is a healing in progress. 
4. We are fighters, and we will never give up hope!

With love and prayers!

Rose 🌹

My PTSD Journey - Part 1

I feel compelled to share my journey with PTSD to raise awareness about mental health. October is Mental Health Awareness Month in Malaysia. Before I begin, I want to emphasise that we, the mental health patients and survivors, are not "crazy." Please refrain from calling us "orang gila" or any term that suggests we are insane. Such labels hurt us and do not aid in our recovery from already tangled minds. Instead, I urge you to be kind and empathetic towards us. Let’s work together to eliminate the stigma attached to mental health challenges.

I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) at the end of 2020. My symptoms worsened over time; I became more jumpy, easily irritated, experienced uncontrolled anger, and felt a constant urge to isolate myself from social interactions. The pandemic intensified my condition, as I found myself alone in my house. My only companion during this time was my cat, Gabby. It was during this period that I began to experience episodes at home, crying and feeling hopeless without any apparent triggers. My mind became my enemy, playing tricks on my conscience. My relationships with those around me deteriorated; I often picked fights with people who showed me kindness, unable to accept their love and compassion. My self-image suffered, leading to very negative self-talk.

Source: Kinder in the Keys

To make a long story short, I made a new friend while attempting to adopt a stray dog. She turned out to be a mental health doctor at the local clinic. As we became friends, I gradually began to open up to her about my struggles. Accessing a mental health doctor at a local hospital usually requires a recommendation letter from another doctor. After listening to my story, she offered to write me a recommendation if I wished to see a psychiatrist.

By the end of 2020, I started visiting the local mental health hospital. My journey began with consultations with a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with PTSD after conducting tests and evaluations. After a few sessions, the psychiatrist asked if I wanted to be prescribed medication; I declined and requested counselling instead. I undergo the counselling session over a year.

To be continued in Part 2.

Silenced

Photo Credit: Google Image 

It’s incredibly frustrating to feel like your voice doesn’t matter anymore. Is it because you’re a woman? Is it because people think you’re no longer significant? Is it because you seem invisible? Or is it simply that you’re not part of their inner circle? 

I used to speak up confidently and share my thoughts, but everything changed for me in 2019 when I faced humiliation at a management retreat. Since then, I’ve gradually lost my confidence. I don’t feel like the courageous, passionate, and motivated person I once was.

This message is for those in higher positions, those who make decisions, and those who hold power: We are all human, so please treat us that way. Listen to us. Allow us to share our thoughts without interruption.

Gosh, I don’t even have ideas to write anymore. Too frustrated and demotivated. To be continued…..