My PTSD Journey - Part 2

My therapist is a woman, and she is very helpful and understanding. I still remember that in our first meeting, she told me this. 

This is not just about me; this is about you, and you will have to do the hard work. Remember, you're not alone in this journey. I am here to listen and guide you, and many others have faced similar struggles and come through stronger.

I agreed, and we started to list out what my main goal is for this therapy that I am undergoing with her. 'We will make sure you graduate,' she said. I trust her, and we start my journey to untangle all the knots and dig into the roots of my issue, which has helped me improve my relationships and manage stress better.

Photo Credit: BrainBodyWellnessAZ.com

Yes, it is a very bumpy road that I went through for those few months. At some point, I felt like giving up because unwrapping the wounds was painful and revisiting the past was hard. The memories and experiences I tried to sweep under the carpet now had to be brought to light. But I want you to know that if you're going through something similar, this process is worth it, and you're not alone in facing these challenges. Healing takes time, and that patience is part of the journey. 

The stigma at my workplace about people seeing a psychiatrist as a 'crazy' person actually scares me. But my therapist affirms that seeking professional help is a courageous act. Listening to her words of encouragement and affirmations gave me the strength to show up for all my appointments with her. 

This is my take-home message for those out there who struggle with mental health:

1. You are not alone. 
2. Take the first step to seek help, and it is okay to not be okay. 
3. The pain we dealt with in the process is a healing in progress. 
4. We are fighters, and we will never give up hope!

With love and prayers!

Rose 🌹

My PTSD Journey - Part 1

I feel compelled to share my journey with PTSD to raise awareness about mental health. October is Mental Health Awareness Month in Malaysia. Before I begin, I want to emphasise that we, the mental health patients and survivors, are not "crazy." Please refrain from calling us "orang gila" or any term that suggests we are insane. Such labels hurt us and do not aid in our recovery from already tangled minds. Instead, I urge you to be kind and empathetic towards us. Let’s work together to eliminate the stigma attached to mental health challenges.

I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) at the end of 2020. My symptoms worsened over time; I became more jumpy, easily irritated, experienced uncontrolled anger, and felt a constant urge to isolate myself from social interactions. The pandemic intensified my condition, as I found myself alone in my house. My only companion during this time was my cat, Gabby. It was during this period that I began to experience episodes at home, crying and feeling hopeless without any apparent triggers. My mind became my enemy, playing tricks on my conscience. My relationships with those around me deteriorated; I often picked fights with people who showed me kindness, unable to accept their love and compassion. My self-image suffered, leading to very negative self-talk.

Source: Kinder in the Keys

To make a long story short, I made a new friend while attempting to adopt a stray dog. She turned out to be a mental health doctor at the local clinic. As we became friends, I gradually began to open up to her about my struggles. Accessing a mental health doctor at a local hospital usually requires a recommendation letter from another doctor. After listening to my story, she offered to write me a recommendation if I wished to see a psychiatrist.

By the end of 2020, I started visiting the local mental health hospital. My journey began with consultations with a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with PTSD after conducting tests and evaluations. After a few sessions, the psychiatrist asked if I wanted to be prescribed medication; I declined and requested counselling instead. I undergo the counselling session over a year.

To be continued in Part 2.

Negative Thoughts Haunting Me

 

Our photo during the dinner

I’ve been having some tough moments since last week. My mind isn’t in the right place, and I feel like I’m slowly sinking into a dark hole again. Negative thoughts are bombarding my mind with harsh affirmations. I’ve been trying hard to come back to the surface. During our Annual Dinner on Friday night, I attempted to capture a photo of myself and my colleague drowning in a glass of water (see above). Looking back, that’s exactly how I feel – drowning in the negative emotions surrounding me.

Last night, I felt alone and as if nobody cared about me. A deep sadness washed over me, making me feel neglected and abandoned by everyone. In the end, I cried and sobbed. What is actually happening? What are the triggers? What is the root cause of all these emotions suddenly surfacing?

I decided to practice the butterfly method my therapist taught me. While doing the tapping, I repeated affirmations like, “I am loved, I am enough, I am worthy, I am kind, I am amazing, I am precious.” It was difficult because I kept sobbing, but I persevered, knowing I need to get through this episode. I want peace of mind, peace of heart, and restful sleep.

After finishing with deep breathing and prayers, I tried to sleep. I played the "Songs of Mary" playlist, and finally, I fell asleep. Thank you, Lord.

Officially Mrs. Covarrubias!

This blog is my diary. So, let it be that way even though there is Facebook or Instagram. I chose the first platform, which is my blog! I posted last year on December 7th that I was engaged, and then two days later, after I announced that good news, my dad passed away. Then, things were not going so well, and the plan to get married in June 2025 was not a priority anymore. However, God works in mysterious ways. 

We proceed with our church wedding on June 28th, 2025, at St Patrick's Church, Madison. I am officially Mrs. Covarrubias! Woooot!! Thank you, Lord, for giving us so much hope and blessing us with all the good people around us who help us make our wedding happen. My dear families, in-laws, and friends from both continents —Malaysia and America —thank you so much! I LOVE all of you so much! 

To my dear, lovely husband, we have been on our journey as husband and wife for almost four months now. When we decided to choose this path, we knew for sure that our distance would become one of our challenges. However, God keep giving us strength and courage to face this with trust and faith in each other. Let's keep moving forward with faith, and one day, we will be united and serving God as a little family. 

Holy Family of Nazareth, hear our prayers! 

Self Reminder: I am Enough

 

I feel really down last night until I have to keep reminding myself that I am okay. 

It has been a while I did not not feel like that.

Fighting that such negativity that clouded my mind.

As if it stuck there telling me that I am not worthy.

Not worthy of love.

Not worthy to be loved.

Not good enough for being me. 

Not capable of doing anything. 

It is just telling me that I am not good enough! 

Trying to overcome such a thought until I fell asleep.

Thank God I can sleep this time. 

So, I am trying hard to remind myself again that, 

It is okay not to be okay, sometime,

It is okay to cry it out loud and let it go,

It is okay feel alone but never lonely,

I am enough

I am loved

I am kind

I am smart

I am capable of doing things

I am not alone...

Feeling this emotions inside me like this.. 

I am not alone.. 

Our Lady of Good Success, 

pray for us. 

 Prayer to Saint Dymphna (patron saint for mentally ill)

Lord, our God, you graciously chose St. Dymphna as patroness of those afflicted with mental and nervous disorders. She is thus an inspiration and a symbol of charity to the thousands who ask her intercession.

Please grant, Lord, through the prayers of this pure youthful martyr, relief and consolation to all suffering such trials, and especially those for whom we pray.

 

(Mention those for whom you wish to pray).

We beg you, Lord, to hear the prayers of St. Dymphna on our behalf. Grant all those for whom we pray patience in their sufferings and resignation to your divine will. Please fill them with hope, and grant them the relief and cure they so much desire.

We ask this through Christ our Lord who suffered agony in the garden. Amen

Setting Goal for 2018 - Will i have one soon?

My photo taken candidly by my friend Mayumi-san at one of the park in Japan in December 2011. 

Year 2017 is coming to an end soon. Only less than two weeks we will celebrating a new year. I never really setting any life goals after make one new year resolutions way back in 2014 (New Year resolutions 2014). When i read this entry which i make four years ago, i am not sure to laugh or to cry... LOL. Some of it i already accomplish but some are yet to be true.. ha ha ha.. So why not making more specific goal for year 2018. I think i should, though i am not sure if i am serious or not this time... hmmm... 

Google is my bestie when i need an inspiration, so i try to find good advice online, on how to set a good life goals. Here is some of the article i found and maybe i should try to use the method they suggest. Honestly, i am very bad in following other people advice because i am a stubborn fella and always do things following my own head/heart. 

The Life Plan: How To Design A Happy Life For 2018 

by Career Girl Daily

I love how this writer put it. Simple yet makes sense to someone as crazy as me. I think i am buying this steps and i should try to get some lists done before the year end. 

- Step 1: Get a great planner

- Step 2: 10 things you would change

- Step 3: Create your 'Happy List'

- Step 4: Break your comfort zone

- Step 5: Write down your crazy dreams

So, how about you guys? Any goal setting for year 2018? I hope you do too. 

Good day!

What is Friendship to me?

Almost a year now eh.!.. My next birthday is coming and only i came back and trying to post something in this blog. Well, i am very lazy to think and write a proper English, so i decide to write this entry in multilingual.

Dua tiga minggu suda sa mo post pasal besfriend ba ini tapi sa kemalasan mau menulis. Lagi satu, sa terlampau banyak blog jadi sa not sure mana satu sa mo kasi masuk ni entri. Last-last masuk sini blog sajala sebab sa rasa ni ja blog sa yang memang blog paling rojak. Macam-macam ada kalau dalam ni blog.

Why? Why friends important to me? Kalau ikut bukan lagi important ba tu, very very important. All stages of my life start from my high school until my working life, sa make friends with different group of people of different races, religions and backgrounds. Some of them just pass by ja la sebab tidak stick until now. But somehow, i would like to say thanks to social media jugala sebab ada yang sa lama sudah tidak berkontek tapi terjumpa balik thru social media especially Facebook.

Saya memang jenis yang sangat value itu friendship sebabnya ialah:-

• Living far apart from my own family members (siblings & parents) makes me stay close to my so-called classmates/workmates at first but then when we always spent time together, i get closer to them and we became besties. BFF for life kunun.. ha ha.. 
• I am blessed for given the opportunity to make friends with wonderful people. Why i said that? Because i rarely met back-stabber friends (eventually got la juga tapi boleh kira pakai jari). Usually i am blessed with friends which will be there for me when i am happy or sad. Orang bilang susah mo cari, tapi sa selalu jumpa yang begini jadi sa tau memang sa kena bless by God bah terjumpa amazing people. 

Tapi kan, susah ba sebenarnya mo maintain itu friendship especially bila sudah berjauhan. Mau ada usaha supaya terus kekal mekar itu persahabatan bah. Sebab tu lah sa cuba initiate sesuatu supaya sa punya ging terus jadi ging sa. Ada yang terus lesap gitu ja bila sa suda berpisah sama dorang. Mula-mula saja rajin berkontek lepas tu pandai nda membalas suda tu mesej or teda suda calling-calling. Dulu, bila sa kena begini sa memang frustrated sebab sa tidak mau ilang kawan bah. Makin tua suda sa ni kan, sa pandai kasi kurang sudah tu expectation sa. Jadi, kalau sda nda pandai membalas tu sa kasi biar sajala. Nanti pandai juga tu dia pi mencari saya. Maksudnya, tiada paksaaan ba dalam persahabatan. Mutual understanding and trust tu la yang paling sa pigang sebab kalau nda trust memang susah mo kekal tu.

So far yang sa perhati among kawan-kawan baik sa ni kan, ging sa yang masih kekal berkawan sama sa ialah ging skolah sama ging uni saya means we are friends more than 10 years sudah. Orang bilang kalo ko berkawan sama tu orang more than seven years, memang kekal la tu friendship sampai tua. Maybe betul jugala apa dia cakap tu. Ging yang sa jumpa time kerja, only a few saja yg stick sama sa especially yang sa jumpa time umur kami lingkungan 23 - 29 years old. But when umur suda 30 and above pandai pula tu jadi ging, maybe sebab sama-sama tua sudah and this i may say matured friendship sudah.    

Kesimpulannya, sa rasa paling penting ialah kita pandai mo pilih kawan. If you choose the right friends, you will shine but if you choose wrong friends they will bring you down. Jadi, memang mo pandai berkawan dan cari kawan. Give and take itu penting dan jangan take for granted your friends. Friends is a gift and blessings from God.

Itu saja crita sa. Sekian. K. Bai!

Being Myself

Did you ever question yourself, WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE IN THIS LIFE? I did not think much about it anymore like i was in the past few years before. Why? Because i think there is no point for me to think too much about it anymore. I am in my early 3 series age already, so i know where i am heading now. 

God created me and i must have a purpose to be in this world. I discover one of my gift. To bring happiness and joy in others life. To see smiles in someone else face. But somehow, even though it sounds easy and simple, but yet very difficult to make it my daily practices. What is your purpose? 

I give this comment to my friend in my FB, kinda giving her advice:

"some people say, i don't have focus in life, some ppl say, i am crazy, some people say, i did not think of future, some ppl say.. bla bla bla... i don't really care anymore what ppl say sis. i live my life as long as i know i am doing what is right and i live it to the fullest and did not waste it for regretting that i had done nothing with my life.. he he he... not a wise advice for you but, sometime we need a change. follow your heart and God will show u the way."

That is me today. After some struggles along the way to mould me become who i am today. Don't stop being yourself. You can listen to people around you, especially your family and friends but don't forget some criticism from your so-called 'enemy' which you need to take it seriously too. They are our mirror, reflects of what we do.

Ok, last but not least, just be yourself. Don't be a pretender or hypocrites because it will take away your shining star that make you unique in your own way. The way that actually God created you in this world. To make this world a better place to live. Each and everyone of us have purpose to be here.

Unique,
Little Rose

New Year Resolutions ~ 2014

Do you have or make your lists yet? Well, of course you have made it since last day of December 2013. I have all goals in my mind but i did not yet jot down in books or journal or in my so called journal blog here yet. Why? Because i still have this habit "PROCRASTINATION". Which already so long time i wanted to get rid of this bad habit of mine. :(

Okay, let's share my 10 new year resolutions with you all.

1. Replace my Little Greenie with Red Riding Hood. Why? Because i need Red Riding Hood more than my Little Greenie now. This is because of my work place which have a very bad road condition. My Little Greenie sure suffer a lot if i bring him to my work place. Pity him so much. 
2. Living a healthy life. I must get rid of toxic in my body by doing more physical exercise. At least i must jogging three times a week and play sports once a week. This is all to sweat out toxic and it will help my brain to think straight. Ha Ha Ha. 
3. Marathon!!! I must try my very best to participate in any marathon this year. At least once. I never participate or join any marathon yet. I am a runner but yet no marathon??!! What am i thinking?!
4. Volunteering!!! I am coordinating community projects, of course i contribute something back to the community. However, i want to expand or broaden my horizon. I must try to get involve in any cause or organize one community project that not related to my employer. I already start with online volunteering but feels not enough. 
5. Mission Team! I want to get involve in lay missionaries activities anywhere whether it is in Malaysia or in other country. I already get to know a person in charge in my church that organize mission activity in Malaysia and also in Philippines. If i can't join this year, at least i can join them next year. 
6. Spiritual empowering. I must try to attend a prayer meeting activity in my church at least once a month. 
7. Complete my study. Oh gosh! This is like a pain in my ass. I still did not finish my dissertation!!!.... This year is a MUST!!!!
8. Positive Thinking! I always complaint and complaint and complaint and think negatively. I must keep my mind with all positive thoughts. I must live my life in full of happiness. 
9. Vacation!!!! I must travel to foreign country once a year. This year must go to Fuzhou, China visiting my uncle's family!.. :)
10. I wanna go out and date! I am free to meet a guy this year. So, i am ready to mingle. LOL!

As for now, i think this 10 is good enough for me. I am not good in writing goals or can i say, i don't have goal in life? Sigh. I am trying my very best to have focus now. FOCUS on my life.

Do you have yours? If you read this post till the end, please leave me a comment and leave link to your blog post so i can read your goals for 2014. I would love to read somebody else goals that may inspire me!!! I need inspiration. *wink*

Inspire me,
Little Rose

When I surrounded by GREAT PEOPLE

When are the best moments in your life? Well, I think the best moments are when you are loved by special people in your life such as your parents, siblings, spouse, relatives, friends and maybe your workmates. Or, when you success in what you are doing such as your study, sports, complete assignments given to you and so on. Or when you having joyful times with your mates etc etc. Lots more to mention, whatever it is, you sure know what your best moments is.

Well, something that I want to share here is, the special moments when I am surrounded by great people. Who are these people? I have lots to mention in here because I am grateful to God that He gave me so much blessings since I am born by giving me a chance to meet great people. In these 32 years, God made my life colourful like a rainbow (maybe more colourful than a rainbow with all the other colours…ha ha ha). Why? Because I frequently meet new people, from strangers to best buddies or enemies (don’t you think that your enemy is the people that make you realize that, you can’t pleased or satisfy everyone?).

With good intention in your heart and treat people like you wanted you to be treated, then you can have a good relationship with people around you. Don’t you think so? This remind me of my mother useful advice when I make a decision to work outside from my home town in 2005. I know she worried that I can’t adapt to new place, new people, new culture, new environment. Well, I am her little baby girl, still! Ha ha ha ha..

She said this, “Mun gak kedau a, kak lalu subong. Masok kubo a, kak mengituk walau keja’an ji kedau lien. Tulong menak keja, kak mengakel. Dak dao tan gak kedau a.” Oh, this is in my native language. Let me translate. She said, “Don’t become an arrogant, when you are at other place. If you enter, people’s house respect. Help others with their task, don’t be lazy. Be good all the time”. Okay, more or less, it sounds like that. Correct me if I translate it wrongly. With this I think I did well up to now. Am I change? Hmmm… I am not sure. Maybe aging!! Ha ha ha ha..

Enough with that, allow me to share some pictures of people that mold me to become who I am today! Some I don’t have their pictures but I always keep them deep in my heart.

Of course my mum & dad... 

My foster mum & dad.. The KadazanDusun of Penampang & Bundu Tuhan.

My dearie sisters!!!! Girl Power in the house.. (^__^)

The 12 Stars! During my school days! Besties till today!

All those happy days during college....

Best buddies from high school, college and uni. This taken during my 22nd
birthday on my 3rd year in Uni. 

My first job that suit my academic background. Not to mention a few other
job before this one. But i met and learn a lot from these people and make a
good friend.

Lots of good memories while i am in Sipitang. And met a lot of great
people too.  

My spiritual journey with youth at St. John the Baptist, Sipitang while
working there. Again meet all great people. 

Another spiritual journey with Sisters of Franciscan Sisters of
Immaculate Conception Sabah. 

So, that is all about meeting great people how these people brings joy and happiness in my life. Thank God for this blessings!

Feel Blessed,

Little Rose

True Confession #7 ~ Parts of me u may don't know

Wanna know more about me? Ha ha ha... This is just for fun. Who i am before and still some part of it, still within me. I am who i am and i am happy that i have lots of people loved me for who i am (is this makes sense...?) Maybe Yes maybe No.

I love drinking wine but not till i am drunk.

I smoke before but not now. I QUIT. 

I love dancing and listen to music. 

I am afraid of needle. I hate injection. 

I love babies and kids. Love being around them.

I love being around Sisters. Feel at Peace. 

So, that is it. A lil bit of myself. Is it TRUE? Ahaks... get to know me then (don't trust so much on photos because i can create stories through it). Till then!

With Love,

Little Rose

True Confession #6 - Being COMPLICATED

Did you ever feel that you are being complicated in everything? In your relationship with your parents, siblings, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, co-workers or even strangers? Me? Yes, i did feel that sometimes i was the one that always making things so complicated. Until one day i realize, why i did it that way, this way and why not make things simple and people can easily understands me. Therefore, there will no misunderstanding and we can cooperate easily. But somehow, life will not so exciting right? Ha ha ha... When i wanted my life to be interesting and exciting, i think i did hurts others feeling. Break their heart for what i did, maybe without noticing it.

When it goes to work and study.. I am as complicated as ever too. Tried to make my work simple and workable, but still i think it is so complicated. My study also the same. I thought it simple at the beginning but at the end, i think it is so difficult and complicated.

Can i become more simple person and live my life easy and not complicated anymore? As long as i give others love and the love sure comes back to me. Can i?

With Love,
Little Rose

True Confession #5 - Good Buddies or Bestfriends

Do you know the meaning of bestfriend (sahabat baik/ rakan karib)? Or i may ask the other way, what is the meaning of bestfriend for you? Or what is the difference between friend and bestfriends? Let me do some confessions here how i classified between friend and bestfriend. I will not use wikipedia or any dictionaries here. This is from my own thoughts and how i make friends and treasure my friendship.

Since my childhood, i have a very great people around me. I have many friends but not all of them can share their joys and sadness with me. Only a few that can spare their times to listen to me (i mean really listen) some are only with me when i am happy. So, this type of friendship is only at FRIEND level. When i am in secondary school there were ups and downs in my friendship. I still remember, i have a very good ..mm.. no, great friend when i am in Form 3. We used to spend a lot of our time together. We having our meal together, walk to our classroom together, outing together, laugh together and even cry together. But, something happen in between of our friendship and that makes our friendship ends just like that. I feel really really bad about it because i still remember clearly what she wrote in my diary "Ku sangkakan panas hingga ke petang, rupanya hujan di tengah hari. Kau mulai berubah dan persahabatan kita semakin menjauh....".. After that incident we are still friend but to come back to how it is before seems to be impossible. I know her feeling was hurt because of what happen to us. See, i made a mistake once and because of this one, i regret so much. That is why i TREASURE all my best buddies up to now. If there is one that i can click with, i will not takes that friendship for granted. I must take a very good care of that friendship. Because now i believe that my bestfriends are Angels that God sent to me to become my guardian. They are ANGELS.

I still connected to my best buddies even though we are far apart. Thanks to FACEBOOK, mobile phones (DIGI, CELCOM, MAXIS), email (GMAIL, YAHOO, MSN) and etc because with all this technologies, the South China Sea seems to be nothing. We can talk, we can chat, we can write to each other.

So, my advice is that...if you have bestfriend, nurture your friendship. Take a good care of it. Be honest and sincere. I think this should be enough even though i have lots more to share here. This is only a thoughts because i can't sleep. He he he... Till then!

With Love,
Little Rose

True Confession #4 - Do i like my current job?

Do i have to confess about this here? I think so... why? Because i need to write something that i can not say it out loud. Waaa... sounds a bit... what? Mysterious huh! Alright....here we goes!

To be HONEST... I am not really LIKE my current job because it is not my PASSION. It is not something that i really have heart to do. Half-hearted and the outcome is SO - SO... You know what? Before this i was so into adventurous things, discover new things, learn new things.. The more challenges, more i love to try it out. But now? Maybe i am getting older and maybe some of my brain cells is dead.. ha ha ha ha.. crazy!

Since i am not into this job, two years is like i was crawling like a baby. Struggling to understand and discover, what is actually this job is about. If i can measure percentage of my understanding, i can say that i only get about 40% or maybe less. Maybe i am just a slow learner! Huhuhu... (kesian my bos hiring me..)... Only a few part which related to nature, environmental awareness.... That i can do it. If it is come to deal with people.. I am OUT! Dead.. I may not become a mediator but an oil that make the fire become more stronger (macam tu minyak bah..kasi marak lagi tu api.. makin besar tu api... boleh gaduh besar..teda kesabaran bah ni..)

I can smile, i can talk softly but i easily give up with people that don't want to help themselves. I am helping them to lift up their way of life or maybe improved their way of living but i have limit of my patient. Alright! I don't want to talk more about it! Till then.... I stop here... Sorry for this mumbling is crazy thoughts that came out from my mind!

True Confession #3 - I Have a Snake Phobia or Ophidiophobia

A phobia is the intense fear of something or some situation. Many phobias leave those who suffer with the inability to interact on a day to day basis in regular life situations. Ophidiophobia, the fear of snakes or snake phobia is not one of those fears. But, the fact that the person who suffers from a snake phobia is not placed into the fearful situation on a daily basis, does not take away from the very real fear caused by the thought or sight of snakes. Read more at 10 Most Common Phobias.

Can i define my phobia as Snake Phobia after reading this definition? Maybe half of it is true because i have seen other people that react worst than me if they encounter with snake. Even if it is only a photo of snake. They can throw away whatever they hold in hands and screaming as if it is real. Me? Is not something like that. I just afraid/scared of snakes because they are venomous. But yet, i still have this creepy feeling when i think of snakes.

Wagler's Pit Viper Tropidolaemus wagleri 
Photo Credit to JC Schou

I used to be one of field biologist before. I am involving in quite a few of field research on wildlife such as mammals, herpetofauna, odonata and birds. Out of these studies, i am not so comfortable with herpetofauna. Herpetofauna is inclusive of amphibians and reptiles such as frogs, lizards, and snakes. I can hold frogs and overcome my fear with lizards but SNAKES? I can not hold it in my hand. I am just scared. I tried a few times to hold it in my hand but i just can not push away my thoughts of fear. Crazy thoughts that the snake will bite me and so on. So, until today, i still afraid of snakes.

I still remember at one time, my friend invited me to visit her aunt's house somewhere in Kemena, Bintulu. We went there and she so happily told me that her uncle having something special for our dinner. Guess what? It was a ......

A snake meat and it is a python.
Photo Credit to GOOGLE.

It was prepared so deliciously and the smell is so goooood.... I really eat that dish a lot, a lot.. But, my friend already told me that it was a python meat, so i only manage to eat only one slice. To finish that small tiny one slice took me more than 20 minutes. All that naughty and scary thoughts was lingering in my mind while i am eating that small piece of meat. Yai!! What an experienced! Ha ha ha ha...

If it was prepared as good as this, why refused to eat right?
But, i just can not.... Huhhuhu...
Photo Credit to GOOGLE.

Alright, that is all about my confessions for today. How about you? What is your phobia secret to confess?

This is written while i can not sleep. My eyes still keep open widely and so i blog. Till then!

With Love,
Little Rose

True Confession #2 - What i Think of Myself Right Now?

• Demotivated of my work because my project is nowhere to go. I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. Can i just tell my bos that i can not make it already? Can i just tell her that i am enough of all this? It has been two years of my struggling to understand my work scope but yet i am still so lembap to understand it all. Can i just tell her that i QUIT... Will i become a loser... not a fighter? Of what i always think of myself before? Is this happen because i am so stress or it is because i am too emotional? #$%^&*#$%^&*  
• Feeling sick, unhealthy with my environment at home and at work. So many cat's fur in the house and so many dust at work esp at the construction site outside my office. Very unhealthy environment. Need to get my cat injection before the condition of it's hair fall worsen and my healthy also become worse. 
• The source of negative thinking is too much until i can not see things in positive way..always negative first then go the positive (itupun punya susah)...

Enough, no more confessions here. Till then!!!

True Confession #1 - I am a K-Drama Crazy

I am crazy about Korean Drama. I may say that if there is Korean drama old or new, i will watch it. But still i am choosy of what is the story about. I prefer something funny and more to story about family. Actually before this i watch this K-Drama series in NTV7 or 8TV or TV3. But then, the internet is working so well and there a re quite a few websites that i can watch online. Here are three of website that i used to watch this K-Drama.

1. Dramacrazy.net - Watch Asian Drama Online (This one is not working very well with my internet connection right now. But, this site is the first one that i always use to watch online K-Drama before. There are a lot of drama series, Korean, Japanese & Taiwan.)
2. MySoju.com - Feeding your drama addiction (I did watch some of the K-Drama here but still not so good. Loading and buffering and not so good quality of the video. However, i must thank this site because i can watch K-Drama here for free... )
3. maaduu (This is the most recent site that shows only K-Drama & K-Pop. So, no other series rather than Korean. I have no problem watching here in this site. I get to know about this site through FB. Out of these three, the most preferred website to watch K-Drama online is this site, besides, it's FREE.. (",)..

Not only watching online, i did some DVD/VCD collections of K-Dramas but still a few. Not only K-Drama, actually i did have a collection of Korean Movie DVD/VCD as well.

The most recent K-Drama that i watch is this lovely story. It is a touching story about six siblings that have to move on with their life after the death of their parents in one horrible car accident. If you want to watch this drama, it is still not up in maaduu but you can search in mysoju. I bought a pirated DVD from Kuching during my visit to Kuching last week but the 3 CD is not working very well. I can not watch Episode 16 - 20. Quite a frustration and i have to look for it in mysoju to watch the ending of this story. Here i share the OST of this K-Drama titled : Stars Falling From Sky (There are various title of this drama when translated into English). 

Enjoy watching it peeps!!

With Love,

Little Rose

P.s: The 1st series of my True Confession